Important Note from Rachole: Right now, only my CD is available for purchase 'cause I've moved to Spain and I don't know how to ship affordably. Sorry! Spread the plague of happiness to your loved ones with these groovy gift ideas! My crap makes excellent holiday, novelty, and revenge gifts!

How To Be Happy All the Time, full-length CD by Rachel Arieff & The Smileytown Boys CD REVIEWS: "Precise and deadly wit." -R. Rushfield, Vanity Fair "A wolf in sheep's clothing. Listening to this CD for the first time is a lot like finding a razor blade in your hallowe'en candy...and liking it. Arieff's saccharin sound masks an incredibly astute world view. Think ultra-modern Tom Lehrer. I have not played this for anyone who didn't love it..." -Ian Grout, N. Carolina "What a catchy, repellent song ["Have A Baby!"]. It made me laugh, and it made me think. Damn you for making me think!" -Patton Oswalt "Omigawd, Cher would love this. I've got to buy this for Cher!" -Cher's assistant, 2002 ALL REVIEWS Depressed? This disc of upbeat, swingy pop, like a potty-mouthed Muppet Show, will have you laughing and feeling better in no time! My #1 Suicide-Postponement tool! Songs include: 1. How To Be Happy All the Time 2. Bob Newhart Love Song 3. Smoking Grandma 4. (That Guy's Gonna End Up) Smacking You Around 5. Have A Baby! 6. Gun Control Solutions 7. Plastic Surgery Wagon 8. Internet Porn Polka 9. Hollywood Shitbox Still not sure? Preview the mp.3's on my Music & Comedy page! ONLY $9.99! Plus shipping (this item only). Shipping's included on all other stuff. "HOW TO BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME is fucked-up, dysfunctional fun at its finest. I love this record so much that I'm buying another copy for my teenage daughters, because everything they need to know about the horror of living is right here: HEARTBREAKINGLY HILARIOUS, AND TRAGICALLY DELICIOUS!" -John Skipp, NY Times bestselling novelist Read Skipp's complete review

STICKERS Bring my message of mandatory happiness to all corners of the globe: Cover your city or small town with mesmerizing Rachel™ stickers! Or stick 'em on your nipples - that's fun too! 10 hi-quality vinyl stickers, 2 1/2 inches diameter. Pack of 10 $2.00 View gallery of Victor & Cody with stickers on their nips!

MAGNETS You've worked hard to collect all those cocktail napkins with phone numbers from strangers. Post them safely on your fridge with colorful Rachel Magnets, and you'll never misplace another booty call again! 1. Yellow Smiley Face "www.RachelArieff.com" , 2 1/4 inch Round. 2. Pink Bombshell Rachel, "Future Celebrity Spokesperson, "www.RachelArieff.com"", 2 x 3 1/2 Rectangle. 3. Pepper Childs, "Hi, I'm Pepper Childs / America's Most Handicapable Beauty Queen!", Rectangle, 2 x 2 1/2 4. Rachel Throwing Baby in Dumpster, "Comedian. Recording Artist. Role Model." 2 x 2 1/2 Rectangle 5. Nancy & Tiny Little Naked Girl, "It's Nancy! The Office Assistant Who's Covered In Blood", 2 x 2 1/2 Rectangle. Pack of 5 - 1 each $6.50

WINDOW DECALS Stick these attractive, transparent Rachel-cals on your windshield and enjoy their mocking gaze the next time your car breaks down! Pack of 5 - 1 each $6.50 1. Yellow Rachel Face, 2 x 2 1/2 2. Pink Bombshell Rachel, 2 x 2 1/2 3. Pepper Childs, 2 x 2 1/2 4. Rachel Throwing Baby in Dumpster, 2 x 2 1/2 5. Nancy & Tiny Little Naked Girl, 2 x 2 1/2

BUTTONS/FLAIR Wear Morale-Building Flair to your crappy job and watch your coworkers' bloodshot eyes narrow in envy! Pack of 6 different buttons, 1 1/4 inch diameter. Pack of 6 - 1 each $6.50 1. Pepper Childs 2. Bombshell Rachel 3. Psycho Rachel 4. Future Celebrity Spokesperson 5. Nancy & Tiny Little Naked Girl 6. Tiny Little Naked Girl only

T-SHIRTS Be a Superhero with these super-evil Rachel shirts! Yellow Smiling Face beautifully silk-screened onto the FRONT and BACK of a classy baseball shirt.Perfection! Click Here to See More Super-Evil Rachel Shirts!

POSTERS & PICTURES Please specify in the "Additional Comments" section of the PayPal order form if you want me to autograph your poster! 1. "How To Be Happy All the Time" Album Cover Poster, 11x 11 1/2 glossy, $15 2. Pepper Childs Poster, 11x17 glossy, $15 3. "Future Celebrity Spokesperson", 11x17 glossy, $15 4. "Success Story" 8x10, $10. How to Be Happy $15.00 Pepper Childs $15.00 Future Celeb $15.00 Success Story $10.00

HEY! YOU CAN BUY MY CRAP IN PERSON, TOO...ON 2 CONTINENTS!
(the CD, that is -- if you're in NYC, LA, or Milwaukee)

In New York City:
Subterranean Music, The coolest surviving independent music store in America. Support it!
5 Cornelia Street (right in the heart of Greenwich Village), New York, NY 10014. (212) 463-8900

In L.A.:
Rockaway Records, 2395-B Glendale Blvd., Silverlake, CA. Phone: (323) 664-3232
Sea Level Music, 1716 W. Sunset Blvd., Echo Park, CA. Phone: (213) 989-0146
Benway Music, 1600 Pacific Ave., Venice, CA. Phone: (310) 396-8898

In Milwaukee:
The Exclusive Company, 1669 N. Farwell Ave., Milwaukee, WI. Phone: (414) 271-8590

and now...in Barcelona, Spain! Arkham Comics, c/ Xuclà, 16, barrio Raval. Teléfono: 93.412.45.52